how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
