i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
