I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You made out with two different species that night
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
