Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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