My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
