I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think your dad took our porno
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
