it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
