allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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