In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Help. Why am I so naked?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
