Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
