fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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