Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
