just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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