I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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