I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
