Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
