oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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