So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
