You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
