Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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