I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
