That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
how does that bad decision feel?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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