He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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