It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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