Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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