Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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