so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
even my farts smell like vagina
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
