How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Randomize
