Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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