I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
