i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
