How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
