pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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