I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
