She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
