My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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