I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Randomize
