Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
