at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
