He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
