I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
