This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
