John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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