I smell stomach acid.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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