I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
