her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
