can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
