I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
