I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
