Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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